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The Process

By February 15, 2013November 15th, 201533 Comments

I’m gonna come right out and say something pretty crazy right now. Please don’t think less of me, OK? Ready? Here we go:

I really don’t like coming home to a dinner that’s already made. Or one that just needs to be reheated in the oven at 350°F for 20 minutes. Or ladled out of a crockpot.

Right about now the vinyl should be screeching. What the…? Hey, aren’t you supposed to be the one preaching efficiency? The one who tells us to start dinner in the morning, to assemble a big batch of grains or freezer meatballs on the weekend, to whisk a vinaigrette on a Sunday…all in the name of throwing together something quickly when it’s 6:30 on a weeknight, aka Go Time?

Yes, and well, no. Obviously, it’s how we are forced to cook most of the time. But I’m convinced that those kinds of dinners are not the ones that will convert dinner infidels into believers. This is what I hear from readers all the time: It’s so frustrating to spend all that time making a meal, getting all those dishes dirty, only to have my kids reject their food in five seconds flat. I hear you. I totally, 100% do. The reason why our spring garden is a tangle of overgrown weeds and why I don’t own one of those cute hand shovels (my friend Bonnie, upon hearing that, informed me “Jenny, that’s like not owning a spatula”) is because I have yet to embrace the weeding and planting and tending involved in gardening. And I never pay attention to which plants need mostly shade or mostly sun. And because I hate that feeling when my hands get all dry and cakey. But THE POINT IS….like dinner, gardening is about the process. The reason why Bonnie and all you green thumbs out there love to garden is because you love to be outside, digging in the dirt, every day investing in something that will pay back in beautiful dividends. And you lunatics probably even love that dry caked-dirt feeling on your hands, too.

In other words, dinner is something of a love story for me because it’s always been so much bigger than the 15 minutes sitting at the table. What I’m way more addicted to is the pre-game show. I need to be sipping a nice Sangiovese. I need one kid tackling decimals at the kitchen table, or sitting Indian-style on the counter snacking on chips and salsa, or in the adjoining room plowing her way through Musette from English Suite (“by Wolfgang Amadeus Bach, Mommy”) on the cello. I need the aromas of sauteed onions and browning steaks swirling about the house the way smells do in cartoons, pulling family members into the kitchen in a state of weakened hypnosis. Maybe it’s because I’m a writer, but I need the narrative arc of dinner. I crave the build-up.

How do you learn to love the process of cooking? That’s a tough one. I imagine it helps to devote yourself it on a long weekend like this one when you have a little more time. And I imagine, like gardening, the answer has something to do with focusing on those beautiful dividends. I’m not just talking about the beef stew.

33 Comments

  • Avatar Margo, Thrift at Home says:

    I suddenly realized, as I read your take on dinner, that I love the process with some time before the sit-down. So, actually, I do love doing the process the night before, or the morning or putting meals in the freezer – that’s when I listen to music and putter and enjoy the cooking. But it feels like magic to me to have a meal on the table with only a few more minutes of work. I love that magic feeling, so yes, I often use my crockpot or timed bake. I especially love using timed bake to wake up to hot breakfast.

  • Avatar Anette says:

    You speak my language! Thanks for that great post. It is so true. I refer to that prep time as my meditation time, it is just restorative to be able to pour some love into a meal.

  • Avatar Amy M. says:

    My feelings exactly. When I have been asked why I don’t “craft” my response has been, “I cook.” Cooking dinner is like an art project that you can see from beginning to end in just a few hours. My personality doesn’t suit well with long drawn out projects…sewing, scrap booking, gardening, etc. But I love the creation, build up and the eventual enjoyment of the fruits of my labor when it’s finally time to sit down and eat.

  • Avatar Conveniently Natural says:

    Beautiful writing and I absolutely agree, its about the enjoying the preparation of the meal, not the ease and convenience. All of that hard work pays off in a wonderfully delicious meal that you are proud to present and eat!

  • Avatar Jen says:

    Completely agree! That being said, I never refuse a little short-cut but still want to retain that homemade feeling. I utilize a lot of the Lipton soup mixes, and have recently discovered some French sauces that are available online at http://www.morethangourmet.com/pantry-stock-sauces-gourmet-soups. My family loves the recipes I have tried, and I’ve enjoyed the preparation. Just a happy customer and thought I would share. 🙂

  • Rainy Daisy says:

    Absolutely. Dinner is a process, a ritual. It’s something you come back to when you had an absolute crap day. And THAT is why dinner-in-pill-form will never work…

    cheers!
    Daisy

  • Emily says:

    Stumbled upon your blog from Bon Appetit. “Stumbled” being a pretty loose term meaning “they put the link right there for me to click on.” Love what I see so far and can’t wait to read more. I’m not married nor do I have kids yet, but this is PRECISELY what I hope for some day. Thank you for saying you need the glass of Sangiovese too- so important to the dinner ritual! 🙂

  • Avatar Peranting says:

    THANK YOU! This is one of the most powerful articles I have read in a long time. This article really has me thinking, and not just about making dinner, or gardening, though those are definitely processes I don’t enjoy. But I think this is the key to so many areas of life: work, exercise, healthy eating, parenting, etc.

    I’m fortunate that I have a job where I do really enjoy the process. I like the day to day work of figuring out how to design a great building and put together the drawings to communicate what is needed. It has its frustrations (OH so many, some days) but overall I really do enjoy it. I had kind of forgotten how much.

    But I need to figure out a way to get better at valuing the process in other areas. It is so easy to get bogged down in the frustrations or the monotony. But if I can figure out a way to see the journey as the goal, instead of just trying to slap something together to make do, I think the difference would be pretty extraordinary.

    Of course, more sleep might help too…

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