Santa: Hello? [To elf] I don’t think this thing is working. There’s no one… [Into phone] Hello? Hello?
DALS: Hi, Santa. Santa? I’m here.
Santa: Oh, okay. [To elf] It’s working now, Shorty. Go wrap. [Into phone] So, what can I do for you?
DALS: First, I just wanted to say it’s an honor talking to you and thanks so much for taking a few minutes of your time today. [All chipper-like] How’s everything going up there?!
Santa: I’m buried, man. It’s busy. You know.
DALS: I can’t even imagine.
Santa: No, you can’t. It’s a ton of ground to cover, let’s put it that way. I don’t want to complain, but yeah: it’s a lot. My back is killing me, bro. Bag’s heavy. Lotta Franzen requests this year.
DALS: Like I said, I can’t even –
Santa: Eh, you know what? Who cares. I don’t wanna complain. That’s the deal, right? I mean, this is what I signed up for.
DALS: Right. Well, thanks again for taking the time. It’s a real honor.
Santa: What’s this interview about, anyway? My publicist tells me nothing.
DALS: Okay, real quick: this is for a family dinner website and –
Santa: Family dinner? Wait, let me guess: You went to Brown.
DALS: [Confused] Brown? No, actually. I, uh, I was hoping to talk to you for a few minutes about food, and, you know, the sense of community we kind of create around it.
Santa: Yeah, I’m here. I really don’t have a lot of time.
DALS: I know, I know. I’m sorry. I was just wondering if maybe you could share a holiday food tradition with our readers. Is there one thing that sticks out in your mind?
Santa: Hoo boy. This is serious? Okay, here’s my tradition: I come down the chimney and eat whatever is there, and then I move on. Hold on a sec. [Covers phone with (more…)