Do you ever wonder what your dinner guests say about you when they walk out your door? Do they marvel at your hosting abilities and wonder when they’ll get invited back? Do they praise the food but slag the company? Do they praise the company but slag the food? Do they judge your glassware? Do they climb into their car, sit for a second in the darkness, and say, Never again? That depends on what kind of entertainer you are. Take this quiz to find out… — Jenny and Andy
Your friends are coming over for dinner and you’ve made a (pretty tasting looking, if you don’t say so yourself) frittata with feta cheese, leeks, and baby asparagus. When your the guests arrive, the husband tells you he doesn’t eat feta. He’s not allergic, he just has a “thing” about it. In response, you:
a) Apologize profusely and, in a show of solidarity, toss the frittata into the garbage and start over using some good cheddar.
b) Wag your finger and say, “I guess Mr. Picky over here won’t be getting any dessert tonight!”
c) Roll your eyes, sigh audibly, and say, “Oh god, let me guess: you’re an only child?”
d) Say, “No problem! Which would you prefer: Honey Nut Cheerios or Peanut Butter and Jelly?”
e) Say: “No problem. I’ll just make you an omelet.” Think: “You are so incredibly dead to me.”
It’s 6:45 and your guests are due to arrive in 15 minutes. You hop on your computer to make a playlist, which consists of:
a) Whatever they play between those segments on that NPR show.
b) “Losing My Religion,” and the exact same thirty-seven songs you put on the mixed tape you made for your girlfriend in college.
c) Haim, Haim, and more Haim.
d) Whatever comes up when you type “cool dinner party playlists” into the Google machine.
e) I don’t have time to make a playlist – isn’t there a Bland White Guy Pandora station on here somewhere?
You would describe your approach to menu planning as:
a) Buy fresh ingredients, and prepare them simply.
b) Three words: Short Ribs, bros!
c) Ramen. Or whatever rapo4 is hashtagging on his instagram feed.
d) Food’s not as important as the company — and besides, have you tried Trader Joes pot pies? They’re actually pretty good.
e) If it can be grilled, then I shall grill it.
Your default conversation starter when the silence borders on awkward is:
a) Okay. Edward Snowden: good guy or bad guy?
b) So, how’s your kitchen renovation going? Wolf or Viking?
c) What year is your Passat?
d) Who’s watching House of Cards?
e) What’s it all about? Life, I mean.
Your guests are raving about the braised pork, a recipe your friend Cindy made for you a few weeks ago. You:
a) Say thank you.
b) Say thank you, and mention that you wished you had braised it a tiny bit longer because it was a little too watery and the pork wasn’t as tender or as flavorful as it was when Cindy made it. Which you’re really sorry about. Because it should have been a lot better.
c) Say thank you, but the real credit should go to the pig — Cathy, a Berkshire beauty, raised only on acorns and love — who made this meal possible.
d) Say thank you, but the truth is, this one was all Cindy. I’ll email you the recipe tomorrow.
e) Say thank you and take all the credit. (I mean, come on: Cindy probably stole it from Bon Appetit, anyway.)
Your philosophy on Humboldt Fog is:
a) It’s just not a dinner party without it.
b) Do I eat the gray stuff?
c) It’s fine,I guess, but isn’t it a little 2007?
d) What’s Humboldt Fog?
e) This stuff costs how much per pound?
Your friends have three kids, 2, 5 and 7. You invite them over for dinner and they respond “Yes, we’d love to, should we bring our kids?” You respond:
a) “Absolutely! Tell me, do they like duck confit?”
b) “Sure, that’d be great. We’ll have dinner a little early, then. Feed the kids some pizza at 6:00, then put Fantastic Mr. Fox on at about 6:25, then the grown-ups can eat Short Ribs, and give the kids popcorn, and after we clear our table, we can serve ice cream to the kids while they watch…”
c) “We can do it another night if you can’t get a babysitter. We just got a new couch.”
d) “Totally! They can do some finger painting at the kitchen table while I cook. And hey, bring your dog, too!”
e) “We have a really hard time dealing with children who aren’t our own.”
It’s 11:00, dessert has been served and every surface in the kitchen is covered in dirty dishes. You:
a) …wait, this can’t be my house. Those dirty dishes would’ve been cleared away — little by little, without making anyone feel bad — throughout the evening.
b) Yawn loudly, glance at your watch, and then ask your guests, “Do you think there will be a lot of traffic on your way home?”
c) This is why you hire people to clean up for you.
d) Go the basement and bring up that bottle of vintage Port someone gave you when you got married, and open it while actually uttering the sentence “Maybe the kids’ll sleep in tomorrow.”
e) Flip the light switch on and off in the kitchen. If that fails, begin weeping.
Mostly As: You are confident, urbane, hospitable, and most likely entertain two or three times a month. Guests like coming to your house — even if they feel the need to brush up on that unread stack of New Yorkers before they arrive.
Mostly Bs: You might as well have a Masters in Entertaining. You are precise, efficient — and borderline OCD. (There is a way to do something, and way not to.) In spite of the inevitable party-prep panicking, you usually find yourself twiddling your thumbs in the kitchen — dishwasher empty, apps already laid out, cocktail muscles twitching — waiting for the guests to arrive.
Mostly Cs: There’s a good chance you work in the food industry, or aspire to. For you, entertaining is a form of creative expression as much as it is a way to see your friends. You likely don’t have kids — because let’s face it, who has time to read Lucky Peach when there are diapers to be changed?
Mostly Ds: Fun-loving, spontaneous, non-fussy. An embracer of chaos. Guests often find themselves in the kitchen cooking with you. We love you and we’re coming over.
Mostly Es: Dude, why are you torturing yourself? Book a table for one, or go read in bed.
Too fun–I got all D’s except for one! That’s the kind of entertainer I’d like to be, so I guess I’m in good shape. :]
I got the exact same number of b’s and d’s, which is probably exactly right depending on who the company is. Great post!
Fun one! I tied with B’s and D’s! I like that!
This was fun – I got mostly D’s, but I have to admit, I feel more like the description of E most times! Entertaining stresses me out 😉
I tied with Bs and Ds too! Gotta be go with flow but I like to stress out too 🙂
I am A and E evenly. That said, I don’t have an unread stack of New Yorkers on my bedstand (it would get in the way of my library book stack!) and book a table for one? Puhleeze! I like to think I am an even mix of “Little Miss Type A who is all over it” and a little bit of “Why in the name of god did I ever invite people over on a weekend night when we had back to back soccer games, gymnastics class and the dog is throwing up.” Steady as she goes…
Definitely got my only E on the first question. I abhor adult picky eaters. And people who don’t like cheese (any kind). I stand by it.
Other than that, I’m a solid D.
Man, you nailed me! Solid Bs! (Except adult picky eaters are also dead to me). This quiz was way more accurate than anything on Buzzfeed.
What does it mean when I get an equal number of e’s and b’s? Wow. I have a lot of self-reflection to be doing.
Also, a note on “e) Flip the light switch on and off in the kitchen. If that fails, begin weeping.” <<The night of my 30th birthday party, which I'd been planning for months, everything went to hell. People were waaaay too drunk. Someone brought a take-and-bake pizza. My brother in law was hitting on all of the women. At two in the morning I was literally weeping and pushing people out of my house.
So… that's where my answer came from on that.
Oh my gosh–this was hilarious! And I would say completely accurate!
My husband is A’s and I am E’s…but I really love his parties!
I’m all Ds – except for the Humboldt Fog question, because I know what it is and I love it (will attribute that to working in a professional kitchen). Fun post!
I’m split between As and Bs…I’m not surprised at all.
Great Quiz! I had fun with this – a bit all over the map tho… 2 A’s, a B and a C, 2 d’s and 2e’s!! not sure what that says about my entertaining skill set, but my favorite answer was #1 E- you are so dead to me, and i will never let you know it!!
great questions and descriptions -thanks!
what a fun quiz!! i was mostly ds and some errant es, haha. great one!
I am mostly Bs….I came to the conclusion I am a B because I want to socialize and not be “working” in the kitch when the guests arrive.
This was fun – thanks!
Fun! I am mostly Ds with some Es. Must be a mood and/or tired thing!!
I was D with 1 B and 1 E. But the Humbolt Fog question threw me off. There needed to be a “they are lucky if there is some left when they arrive” answer.
Totally a B. I am always bored like 30 minutes before my guests arrive because everything is done. Hey…gives me time for a glass of wine! 😉
My main response to this quiz was the deep need to acquire some Humboldt Fog.
Answers mostly split between A and B.
Ds! Come on over!