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DinnerQuickSeafood

Chill, Mom. I Got Dinner

By June 12, 201458 Comments

Yes, that beautiful sight is exactly what you think it is: My twelve-year-old is making dinner. For the family. A stack of pan-fried gray sole with a green salad and ginger-miso dressing to be exact. What you don’t see, out of frame, are her parents, having some chips and salsa at the kitchen table, catching up on the day’s events, and doing their best not to tell their twelve-year-old to turn up the heat or turn down the heat, or salt the bread crumbs, or use a fork and not your fingers to put the fish in the (omg very hot) pan, or maybe set up your dredging station next the stovetop instead of a half mile away.

Like all major milestones in life, the genesis of this particular one began at the hair salon.

My mom has been trying to get me to see her colorist for years now and so finally, a few weeks ago, I conceded. Her name was Gisele and having only met her for about two hours, I can say with confidence that she’s my friend for life. As well as learning that the look for prom this year is the low, loose bun, I learned that she adds breaded chicken cutlets to her baked ziti, that she came to the US from Lebanon 44 years ago, that she’d had many jobs in her life (realtor, executive assistant) but hair had always been her true passion. You can learn a lot about someone when they are inches from your ears for two straight hours.

When Gisele found out that I wrote about food for a living, she was amazed. “How wonderful!” she said. And then,”Your kids must be excellent cooks!”

I thought she was heading in the direction parents normally head which is: “How wonderful! Your kids must be excellent eaters.”

“Well, yeah,” I said. “They can make a few dishes.” In my mind, though, I had a hard time coming up with something that involved a technique more complicated than spreading hummus on pita. “But they eat pretty much anything.”

And that was that. Until the very next morning when my newly highlighted self went to the coffee shop and ran into Phoebe’s friend, Lauren, and her mom.

“I love your cookbook,” Lauren said. “I cook from it all the time!”

Here again, I thought she was heading in the direction kids normally head, which is: “I love your cookbook! My parents cook from it all the time.”

I thanked her, and inside, I realized, the universe was telling me something: It was time that my kids start cooking more. Not just a batch of muffins or a peanut butter sandwich — but a meal. After decades of being kitchen mates and sous chefs and salad makers, and little self-sufficient bakers, my kids (especially my 12-year-old) were 100% capable of cooking dinner from start to finish. There were only two reasons why they weren’t already: Me and Andy.  It wasn’t their issue. It was ours. We needed to hand over the reins.

That Wednesday, I picked up some gray sole at the farmer’s market on my way home from work. It was a quiet weeknight — no sports, light homework — so I plunked the fish down on the counter and told Phoebe she was cooking dinner. She had flanked Andy and me at least two dozen times in her life as we dredged filets in flour, egg, and breadcrumbs for our stand-by fish dinner. She was ready to take the lead here.

Her response was only: “What should I make on the side?”

As usual, she was way more game than I had anticipated, and jumped right in, even stealing moments in between fish flips to read from her well-worn volume of Ender’s Game. The bigger challenge was on my end, as I attempted to resist the urge to give her any counsel. When Andy came home a few minutes later, I convinced him to do the same. Harder still was figuring out what exactly to do with ourselves while Phoebe was running the show. If it was between 6:30 and 7:30 PM and I didn’t have to be in front of a stove — well then what was I supposed to be doing? Crocheting? Gardening? It quickly became clear I need a hobby that doesn’t involve the kitchen or my MacBook Pro (and I better figure out what it is before my children leave for college).

Phoebe picked her side dish. We had some greens from Trader Joe’s, which she tossed with sliced cucumbers, crumbled feta, grape tomatoes, and some bottled miso-ginger dressing that I usually use for carrot dipping after school. Forty-five minutes and a massive pile of dirty pots later (who cares? I sure don’t!) we were sitting down to dinner.

PS: Feel free to suggest any other dinner ideas that are easy enough for a 12-year-old. I could totally get used to this.

58 Comments

  • Liz K says:

    What a capable looking chef!
    I honestly can’t remember not knowing how to cook. I suppose my Mom taught me but she says she doesn’t remember doing so. I could always season by smell and reading a recipe was not a problem. If I didn’t know what something was, Larousse Gastronomique was right there in the bookcase. I started really cooking at about age 11 (full meals with fussy recipes snipped from Victoria magazine) and never gave it a thought. My mother tends to stick to tried and true recipes as she doesn’t really like to cook and, being anosmic to most things most of the time, she can’t tell if a recipe is right or not so I probably started cooking for variety.
    I am fully adult and have no kids yet but I certainly plan on kitchen helpers at a pretty early age. I would think the hardest thing would be keeping out of the way. My future children may need to employ duct tape to keep me from “helping”.

  • Avatar jenn in GA says:

    when i was in high school, i was dating a guy i wanted to impress, so i asked my grandma come over and make my favorite dishes of hers for me to serve!

    i didn’t stand beside her and learn how to make them though, and that pains me to this day, because those dishes died with her! neither she nor my mom were the kind of women to welcome others into their domains.

    my son, now home from his freshman year in college, has brought several posts from reddit.com to me and asked if i could make them. i told him we could make them together, and it has been so fun!

    keep doing this and they’ll thank you. you’ll figure out a hobby at some point…perhaps you can start with just deep breathing and relaxing. 🙂

  • Avatar Sarah says:

    For a hobby, I suggest knitting! It’s great for sitting near, but not in the kitchen and freeing you to have a conversation as well.
    I think I’ll start having each of my kids (9&10) cook a meal each week this summer. Such a good habit to get into!

  • Avatar Janet says:

    so cool, love the read this and looking forward for my future cooks in the kitchen…..:)

  • Avatar Janet says:

    so cool, love to read this and looking forward for my future cooks in the kitchen…..:)

  • Avatar Maddie says:

    My mom had a hard time giving up her kitchen to me when I was younger and wanted to cook or bake. I ended up learning how to cook more in college and law school. I’ve picked up her bad tendency of wanting total control of my kitchen but every so often I”ll get together with my 12 year old sister and let her pick out a recipe.

    At first we would go through my own stash of recipes and I’d do a lot of the work while she sneaked chocolate chips. Now though she’s pulling up her own recipes online or in cookbooks and doing everything but the heavy lifting herself. It’s so awesome being able to share these moments with her that I don’t even mind the fact that I’m not the one stress baking in my kitchen 🙂

  • Avatar Lynn BB says:

    My son cooked dinner often between the ages of 12-14. I increased his allowance for it but on days I was working, it was wonderful to come home and have dinner started. Unfortunately, he outgrew it a couple of years ago.

    I wanted him to cook more than my daughters because my husband does nothing in the kitchen. Break the cycle! I figure eventually my girls will have to learn how to cook no matter what and they have started at college.

  • Avatar Jaime says:

    My 10 1/2 year old made your pretzel chicken last week– start to finish, with her mother watching and biting her tongue! She totally loved the experience, and was ecstatic about the shift from sous to executive. The only drawback was the dish pile as high as Mt. Everest. Still, a GREAT experience. We’re implementing a 1x/month plan for her to be the dinner boss. Thanks Jenny!

  • Avatar Fiona says:

    I started cooking around 12 – I mastered beef bolognese, on toast, and then pasta and the. I stretched the skill to cottage pie

  • Jenny Jenny says:

    These are such great ideas and stories. Thanks everyone! I will keep you posted on her progress.

  • Lori says:

    Very Cool! You brought back wonderful memories for me watching my son learning to cook on his own back in the day. Now he is 24 and is a very good cook, and truly enjoys it. When we get to be together (military and 11 hours away from home) we are always sharing time in the kitchen cooking up good stuff! Thanks for the smiles 🙂

  • Avatar Alyssa says:

    Your turkey chili is my go-to and easy enough for anyone. The most complex part is cooking the turkey and trying not to have it burn on the Le Creuset.

  • Avatar Uncle Earl says:

    What can you do while Phoebe is cooking? Drink wine!! Or, better, Gin and tonics!! Gigi/Grampa had taught Doug how to make the perfect Manhattan and serve it by the time he was six years old!! It’s a life skill! And, a gateway cocktail.

    The pride you feel at seeing Phoebe (and soon Abby) cook is the same pride your Mother and Father felt when you started to cook. And, that pride is IMMENSE.

    BTW, Ruth had me sous chef at the MixMaster for Angel Food Cake at three years old. She would make them en masse to take to church, shut-ins, other people and to Gwendolyn, who had polio and was Mom’s Best Friend. It was torture watching the cake cool in the pan upside down atop the coke bottle. But, I got to lick the bowl!!

  • Avatar Janna says:

    This one pan Huevos Rancheros was one of the first meals I mastered on my own. Super easy, quick and nutritious with a side of steamed veggies.

    http://www.realsimple.com/food-recipes/browse-all-recipes/skillet-poached-huevos-rancheros-00000000027548/

  • Avatar Jessica says:

    Love this! My goal for the summer is to teach my 8 & 9 year old boys to cook. I figure, it covers reading, math, it teaches them how healthy food is made, gives them an appreciation for the meals that they eat, and its something that we can do together. Any advise on some kid friendly knives or some good recipes?

  • Avatar Kat says:

    It’s great that you’re encouraging your daughter to get involved in the kitchen and learn how to cook from an early age! It will make her life so much easier when she goes off on her own. My mom has always been territorial in the kitchen and afraid to let me use knives, so I didn’t learn how to cook until the age of 21 when I lived on my own (without a dining plan) for the first time. I actually just made dinner for my parents for the first time last week after my dad convinced my mom to hand over control of the kitchen for a night. I made a tomato and caramelized onion pizza with a balsamic strawberry feta salad, and they loved it! Pizza is a great first dish to make, especially when you start with storebought pizza dough. Happy cooking!

  • nicki says:

    dinnertime hobby?? no no, wine is what you need. i suggest leaving the kitchen entirely and doing something totally mindless! i am home with two little ones and am dreaming of the day when my kids will eat what i cook, nevermind cook for me. your book and recipes get me through some of the toughest food days!

  • Liz says:

    I was about 12 and my younger brother 10 when my mom bought a “Betty Crocker for kids” cookbook. It had recipes for all courses. We were each required to plan, help shop for and prepare 1 meal per week. My folks suffered through some things like “grape fizz” – yes there were beverages 🙂 !

    We were both capable readers as well as direction followers as well as having been observers of both parent and grandparents in the kitchen. I don’t remember there being a lot of supervision but I’m sure we were able to ask questions.

    My brother and I are both accomplished and adventurous cooks …we are now 59 and 57. I don’t think either of us is intimidated by a recipe because…we can read and follow directions.

    I advise a similar plan, i.e. let children plan and prepare. And I agree with nicki…wine and out of the kitchen 🙂 – available for questions but not on top of. On days when parents cook – at least some…and the kids are in the kitchen – some light instruction in technique can happen also as in talking about how and why you do whatever.

  • Avatar aqua6 says:

    There were three kids in our household and when I was 12, my parents were tired of cooking. They each divided the cooking duties pretty evenly. We each had one dinner per week that we chose the meal and then prepared. My youngest brother was 6 when this started and we had several meals of hot dogs, sometimes with macaroni and cheese. We can all cook well now as adults and I am so glad we did this when younger. By 14, I was throwing dinner parties for friends that were several courses. It amazes me how many people I know that survive on take-out or prepare a meal by mixing ready-made items together because they were never taught.

  • Asia says:

    I’m inspired to get my almost 10-year-old more confident in the kitchen. I’m also reminded of the first meal I made, with my best friend Emily for her dad while her mom was out of town for work. It was beef consommé, from a can, that we neglected to mix with water:)

  • Asia says:

    I’m inspired to get my almost 10-year-old more confident in the kitchen. I’m also reminded of the first meal I made, with my best friend Emily, for her dad while her mom was out of town for work. It was beef consommé, from a can, that we neglected to mix with water:)

  • Avatar PassTheKnife says:

    I’m sure she cooked a delicious meal!

  • Avatar Kristen says:

    I think my favorite part of this post (which I love by the way) is that she was reading while cooking..now that’s comfortable in the kitchen!

  • Ivy says:

    My 11 year old daughter can scramble herself some eggs and make mac n cheese from a box. She’s also made brownies from a mix. Plus we try to coax her into helping us make dinner (DH and I love to cook together). But it had never occurred to us to get her to make dinner until reading this.

    So yesterday I said offhand “so, you going to cook dinner Friday?”

    At first she made a face and rolled her eyes and then she said “Are you being serious?” I nodded, “sure, why not?”

    Suddenly I had a very enthusiastic chef on my hands. “I’ll make pasta with a lemon butter sauce!”

    “What about a veggie?”

    “Edamame — in a salad so Papa can pick them out.”

    I’ll have to make sure we have the ingredients on hand, but this should be AWESOME.

  • Avatar Jen says:

    My 13-year-old makes waffles and pizza from scratch. He’s oddly bashful about it, but I’m ridiculously excited that he can come home from school and make pizza dough so it’s ready to go when we get home from work.

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